Oh the joys of the 13 year old boy...

So the boy is 13 years-old and in the 8th grade. He's a big guy now, and acting like it. Acting all big and tough and...? DUMB. But then I guess we all got dumb when we really started being teenagers right?! Of course when I was growing up the dangers that presented themselves to teens were not as great or lethal (it seems) as what faces our kids today.

As he has started the downward slide of missing assignments and mouthing off to his teachers and talking too much in class, I've put my foot down with consequences that he felt immediately. No more electronics for 3+ weeks. No more hip-hop/rap music. (I had blogged about this a month or so ago - his love for it) He can no longer listen to the popular radio station that his friends listen to and has had to delete all of the rap songs from his MP3 player. He also hasn't been able to listen to his MP3 player for close to a week now. He can't go to the local dance this Friday night. TV has been even more limited and he doesn't have free access to any and all shows - I have to approve them.

Now this was always the way - I approve what he listens to and watches. But there are times when I've been a little more lax and tried to respect his individuality. I liked different things growing up than my mom - you know? But dammit. DAMMIT. I just don't see any real positive influence that comes from hip-hop/rap that the kids all want to listen to. And this is a style of music that came into being as I grew up. It isn't as if I'm some old fuddy-duddy who is so out of whack with the modern times.

But after all of these years with my only enjoying a handful of songs/artists (more dance less rap) - I still have yet to see the REALLY powerful and positive message behind this style of "music". Because? It simply doesn't seem to exist. Not really. And the kids - gosh the kids that my son hangs out with. They do NOT come from the hood or tough streets. They haven't grown up in project housing or long-established welfare households. Sure some of them come from divorced families and unemployed parents, and some tougher financial straights (hello? I was unemployed for 18 months until 6 months ago and am a single mom). But even with any of the trials and tough things these kids experience (there is some gang activity locally sure..) it is NOTHING compared to what is discussed in these songs. Their culture is NOT that culture.

So why do they gravitate towards it so? Why is it so damned interesting or thought to be cool? I simply do not get it. I didn't get it when I was growing up. I mean - who wants to live in fear all day every day that you'll be shot or someone close to you will be shot? WHAT?! How is that awesome or cool or something to be envied or admired? Why do they wish to be associated with crime, thievery, getting one's street "cred", being sexually promiscuous, and outsmarting the police? How on earth is that appealing - on any level?!

Anyway - this is the music that my son has gotten interested in over the last few months. And while he still has a pretty varied musical collection (thanks to yours truly) - this is what he 'd listen to most of all if given his choice. And? He's a real punk most of the time now. He is mouthy and disrespectful. And yes I know some of that comes from his burgeoning teenage rebellion. But not all of it. No. A lot of it comes from what he watches and listens to - it does for all of our kids.

I will fight him tooth and nail to do my best so that he doesn't continue to be this kind of "poser" that will only get him into trouble with really tough kids that will be affronted by his posturing. Or any of his friends' posturing. But more importantly I will do everything I can to remind him that there is nothing wrong with coming from a solid family. From a somewhat milder neighborhood. That there is nothing wrong and only everything RIGHT with embracing education and respect and goodness towards others.

So he'll continue on as an Honors Black Belt in Karate. He'll continue on in the Young Marines youth group (oh get your kids involved - they are awesome!). And he'll continue to be taught to stand tall and straight and proud. He'll be taught about America and honor. He has no choice.

I suppose he'll resent me the whole way.

Until he doesn't. Right?!

And because I'm posting - check out this WSJ article:

Why Liberals don't get Tea Party Movement

I happened to enjoy that Tea Party rally we were at over the weekend!

...do you feel that generation gap?

As we were driving home from the gym (me) and karate class (the boy), we had a not so lovely talk about the music he's been immersing himself in. A lot of it is mostly harmless - good dance music that I myself would want to listen and be-boop (that's right I said it) out to. But not all of it. The station is a local R&B/Dance/Hip Hop station and some of the songs are just too grown up.

For example, they are playing the hell out of "Love the way you Lie" by Eminem. Someone tried to tell me it's an anthem AGAINST obsessive/abusive relationships. However, when you watch the video (very steamy yes, but completely "wrong" in tone and nature for our youth to watch) and listen the lyrics, it more or less is just a story about obsessive/abusive relationships. Like- this is simply what it's like. I'm sure when he wrote the lyrics he was thinking of his much-publicized troubles with his wife, Kim. ANYWAY - the terrible thing is that he has wrapped his lyrics/rap in a hugely awesome and addictive hook. I mean it sounds GREAT. It is physically difficult to turn it off the radio when it comes on - it just sounds that good. But turn it off, I do. Because - the subject matter is atrocious.

So here I am trying to talk to my son about variety in his music. Luckily for me, he really likes a lot of different stuff. I mean he sings songs from "Glee" over and over (and over) as well as country and rock (old and new). This kid likes classical. And yeah, he likes what "the young kids" are listening to with all of the nodding of the heads and veiled (and not so veiled)innuendos - AND unfortunately for me ties/threads to what some call "culture" in terms of urban life/gang life. Because there is no denying that even if pop/techno/hip hop songs are relatively harmless - they still are tied (even loosely) to that OTHER crap. The very negative crap that I've STILL yet to see positive come from. Even after all of these years.

And I've been looking. I've long been a fan of many forms of music and I'm not that old. These styles of music were evolving when I was in my teens and then took hold when I was in my 20's. So it isn't like I'm a complete boob and know nothing. And what I do know is that there still isn't much to be positive about in reference to this urban "culture".

And it's something that I'm working hard to keep my son from de-sensitizing himself to. Even when I sound like my mother did as we watched Madonna rolling around on the stage floor and I just thought that woman was so very cool and strong. And she was. But really? The stage floor?! Hell now - when she opens her mouth on world events, I want to shove a sandwich in it - although I still dig the woman's music........

In other news, color me VERY interested that a Tea Party candidate took the primary in Alaska. I just find that so very interesting. Interesting indeed for what is to come in November baby!

teens, tv and lying oh my!

My son is 13. He's a great kid. I mean bone-deep a great kid. I just wanna squish him.

Except when I don't.

Me (as I stare the the sandwich he skipped eating today) - "Did you make your sandwich for tomorrow?"

Him (as he watches TV) - "Yes"

Me - "Are you sure it was tonight you made it?"

Him (still hasn't turned around) - "Yes - tonight."

Me (trying to give him the opportunity to come clean) - "What utensils did you use? I don't see anything out here.."

Him - "The same knife I used at dinner....."

Me (fed up) - "Dude I've found today's sandwich. The knife hasn't been used. If you don't come clean you're not going to so and so's house for a month - are you sure you don't want to come clean..?!"

Him (slowly turning around and ducking his head) - "I did't make it - it's from today."

Me - "Was it so hard to tell me the truth..?"

Him - "Yeah..."

I then reminded him that lying is slimy. Disrespectful. Wrong. Etc. He doesn't know why he did it and why he didn't come clean earlier on rather than stick with the lie...

But don't worry according to this article it's normal.

Oh yay..........

Quick Update

I'm still unemployed and actively looking. I'm also starting to worry about what is going to happen to my Unemployment Insurance Benefits. Seriously.

My son and I had to move back home. I'm very lucky to have the family support that I do. But I feel the weight of their hospitality every single day pressing down on me. And some days I feel like I'm not doing enough to look for work, when I'm scrounging for ideas and resources. What is one to do?

In other happier news, I have been successful still with my weight loss and achieving fitness goals and look to perhaps start a blog on that issue here as well. My son is doing well (after some hiccups at the beginning of the school year) in a private school that we've all come together to pay for. We do not trust the public junior high schools or high schools in this area to provide the safe environment and higher education that he needs. How sad is THAT?!

I'm so happy for what happened in Massachusetts!!! This is great news and I hope it's an indicator of more people "waking up" and realizing that officials in Washington are not responding and respecting their constituents. Not to mention looking to sell us down the socialist river...so yay!!!

I will try to be more active around here as I struggle to keep my spirits high and energized on personal things as well as the crumbling of our nation around us!

...Freaky Friday

That's me!!! [The next photo is my sister & mom with our signs] I had the great honor to attend a TEA PARTY in Pleasanton, CA. I've been meaning to blog about it, but just haven't been able to sit down to do so until today. It's been hard to put into words the feelings I've been carrying around with me since Wednesday. Honestly. I've never been more proud to be an American. The experience was absolutely heart-warming and enriching. I cannot tell you how great it was to see so many people come out and stand up for what they believe in. We also were lucky enough to have gorgeous weather - just the icing on the cake. I've been listening practically non-stop to Rush, Sean, Brian, Mark, etc. since then. And frankly their sentiments echo my own. AND they are way more eloquent than I could ever be. So if you want to know how I'm feeling - spend some time listening in! :)

There were people from all walks of life in attendance: Old, young, male, female, families, single people, black, white, asian, hispanic - you name it! We had some great speakers: Brian Sussman from KSFO, Tom Del Beccaro from Political Vanguard.com, and Mayor Abram Wilson from San Ramon [a black man by the way - do you hear that Ms. Garofalo?!!] to name a few. I loved how the Mayor repeatedly affirmed in his speech that elected official work for US [you and me] - it's not the other way around. We had lovely patriotic music. There were only a few police officers hanging around to make sure that nothing got out of hand. Although I'm sure they were expecting trouble from any ANTI-Tea Party protesters [and there were only a few] - NOT from us? The entire afternoon was dignified and peaceful.

One of the greatest highlights for me was when people were going out to the sidewalk in between speakers and holding out their signs for the public to react to. There was a lot of traffic since we were in a park next to the Post Office and it was Tax Day! Well the honks that people were getting were fantastic!! I've never heard so many honks. Seriously! Truly awesome. See, there is this busy corner of Redwood Road and Castro Valley Blvd. (in Castro Valley near where I live) where practically every week there are protestors with signs up about impeaching Bush - well not anymore - and against the War, etc. And while they might get a few honks - they NEVER get the kind of reception that I witnessed yesterday. I told my sister and my mom that we'd have to take our signs and go and stand on that same corner to see the reaction we'd get?!

This experience has truly uplifted my spirits. People are ready to stand up for their country and demand to be heard. People are pulling together to remind government that they work for us. People are remembering what they learned about our Founding Fathers and what they went through to create this great Nation.

BUT THEN THIS HAPPENED! Consider me irate, annoyed, and frankly PISSED OFF this afternoon [still high on the inside I guess!] I just watched that awful clip with Janeane Garofalo and Keith Olbermann. I couldn't believe the venom and lies coming out of her mouth. Have you seen this crap? I have never been called a racist so many times in my life as I have in the past 3 months.

I ask the question again, "So if you didn't like any of our other Presidents [all of them white] does that make YOU a racist?!"
Come on people - haven't we moved past this issue?

I think it was Mark Levin yesterday who said [in response to mainstream media commentaries on the Parties], that, "...the wars against slavery and segregation have been fought and won..." And he's right! They have been. They were won. We're now in a war for our freedom.



*sigh* I'm so ticked at the awful news coverage that the Tea Parties have gotten. Completely skewed to the left and not impartial at all. Sure there were going to be some signs that were negative towards the President. HELLO?! Are the liberals going to say that in any one of their many many protests signs were NOT disparaging towards Bush or other Presidents? SERIOUSLY?? Give me a break. I've been telling everyone I can about my personal experience with the Tea Party in the hopes that they won't buy into the crap that they see on the TV.

But I guess that in the scheme of things we don't have as much right to protest as the left wingers. Right? That's what they are telling us. From what I can gather most events were similar to mine - there were permits that had to be gotten and they were peaceable. We didn't have streets shut down in order to have our voices heard or throw trash or other paraphernalia to get our points across. Nope. We just exercised our right to Free Assembly [but it wasn't free mind you] and held up our signs. Sure I can see what the media and left wingers are so mad about.... OOPS MORE OF US SHOWED UP THAN YOU THOUGHT WOULD RIGHT?! Jackasses. That's right - we're awake now, bitches. How do ya like them apples?

Man..I'm just so MAD. But even more importantly, I'm disappointed. I'm disappointed that the media is painting this very special event as only a Republican event. What happened to journalism? Just when did the press turn into such pandering, weak-minded, fearful, and catering robots? Seriously. WHEN did that happen?! It's horrific. What is surging right now in this country is a real movement - an American movement. An American re-awakening as you will. This movement respects the very simple and explicit laws and articles of the Constitution. And that's EVERYONE's issue. And the media should be reporting on THAT. They should be celebrating Americans waking up and going back to their roots.

And don't even get me started on the Janet #2 debacle. Seriously. Target people like me as threats to our nation - not Islamic Radicals, Terrorists abroad or at home, or hell even Iran or North Korea. No no no..I'm much more of a threat. Pfft....what an idiot.

...mother of a twelve-year old

Today is my son's 12th birthday. I simply cannot believe that twelve years have gone by so quickly. I know all parents find themselves surprised at the speed that time flashes by us as we live in our day to day lives. But it doesn't mean that I'm any less affected by the wonder of it all.

I sit here and wonder if I'm preparing him enough for what he is going to face as he grows up. I'm no Sarah Connor mind you, but I'm doing what I can. We [my family and I] focus on honor and integrity. Honesty. Valor. He's involved with martial arts. His TV watching is monitored by me. He gets very limited electronics play time. VERY limited. His music is monitored by me. Point in fact I told him that he could no longer listen to Chris Brown after that bastard beat the hell out of his girlfriend, Rihanna. My son's reaction? "Okay, Mom." He was incensed and appalled. He also is very confused as to why the media talks about it the way they do, AND why she would ever take him back. He willingly helped me to toss out any CD's we had and music on our computer and MP3 players.

My family and I have had to do "double duty" as far as school is concerned. Apparently they aren't even teaching them about WWII and the Holocaust. My 6th-grader hadn't ever heard of Hitler. We were stunned. He wasn't being taught how to draft and create paragraphs. Now, this could just be a symptom of his school in particular, which happens to be in a terrible district...but I wonder? Just what are they teaching our kids and what are they NOT?! Never heard of Hitler? Really? Am I remembering my own schooling so badly that it wasn't taught to me until Junior High? Well thankfully my sister has been trained to write and she has undertaken tutoring. We talked to him about Hitler and the Holocaust. We are teaching him about government - in fact I'm going to show him that wonderful video I found at RightKlik's blog this weekend.

I refuse to let the school educate my son about sex - I've been very frank and honest with him on sexual matters. He can ask me anything. I personally have chosen to set an example & do not date or have casual sex. No strange men in my house. Luckily, he still isn't interested in girls. He's quite shy in that respect. He knows that will change - but he's not ready for it. He knows he doesn't want to become a father early in life. (Keep your fingers crossed!)

While I talk about my beliefs at home, I encourage him to just listen and learn and allow himself to make up his own mind as he grows and matures. I don't want him to just be a robot that spouts off what he hears at home - don't we have enough of those?! He's exposed to different forums at home: talk radio, tv news, internet news, etc. I share it all with him.

But is it enough? Am I doing enough?! In my son's case - yes, I believe it is. He is a good, strong, kind, generous boy with a great sense of humor. He is intelligent. He loves spending time with his family. He doesn't go looking for trouble [not REAL trouble]. He respects the law. He is honest - in fact he's a TERRIBLE liar and he knows it! He is charitable. I'm so proud of him.

I'm not exactly sure what my original intent for this post was as I sat down to write it. Bear with me here. Perhaps it was just simply to honor my wonderful son and the man I know he's going to grow up to be. In spite of the current state of our nation, and maybe also because of it!

Happy Birthday to my boy.

ever wish you were still married...?

This week is one of those times. Why? Do I crave having to share the remote control? Do I honestly want to give up having ALL of the space in the closets and bed? HELL NO. But my boy can just simply drive me nuts. What I wouldn't give right now to have the ability to say, "Wait until your father comes home!". Oh to see the fear in the boy's eyes and then to just walk away. To be able to simply hand over the keys and hide out for awhile. Oh yes.

Single parenting SUCKS. I wonder if I would have ever had a child if I'd known going in that I'd end up raising him alone. I don't think I would have. Kids need a mother and a father. It's a job for 2 (at least!) Of course single parenting can be done. It's done all of the time. But at what price? To the parents? To the kids? Kids should have both parents actively involved if possible (and of course IF both parents are responsible and solid role models).

I'm lucky that I have a very involved family that is there for both of us. Blessed if you will. I don't know what I would do without them. Not only do I get emotional support, but they help out with the "extras" so that my son can do activities that he wouldn't be able to do otherwise. He has been able to form deep emotional bonds with my family that will never go away. So yes, we're lucky. BUT at the end of the day, I'm still a single mom dealing with a very strong-willed boy. A boy who appears to be trying to assert his control over the house and rules. Of course he isn't going to win. I am the parent. I set the rules. I am the adult. I don't date and bring strange men home. I set the example. I know what is best for him. And deep down - I think he knows all of that. But it certainly doesn't stop him for defying me at nearly every turn.

And it's just simply draining the life right out of me. (I think I found 4 new gray hairs just this week alone. *wink*)

For the single parents that take their jobs as seriously as I do - my heart goes out to you. It's a tough and often thankless job, right? And if you have more than one kid, you ought to have a medal. (And please let me know your tricks to staying sane!) I know that lots of folks find themselves in this role after a marriage doesn't work out. It isn't what you planned for - but it's what you have. It's what happened to me. And that situation comes with a huge pile of baggage following you around for years. It totally sucks.

To those that purposefully choose to become single parents? Pffft. I want to smack you reproachfully on the back of your heads (ala Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs on "NCIS"). Quit being so selfish. Quit thinking of yourself, your desire to nest, and what you want. Think of the kids involved. Kids need TWO good parents. Don't choose a difficult set of circumstances for them. Ok? You may make a great mom (or dad), so be sure to pick a great counterpart ahead of time.

boot camp - day 2

I told you it wouldn't last.

Even after I told my son that I'd blogged about our little experiment (and he chuckled over it along with me), I still had to be "Enforcer Mom!" (say it out LOUD in your head like you would for a superhero...) last night. Say it with me now, "What a D U M M Y.".

So this time it was 40 push-ups. Then 40 jumping jacks. Then he lost his prized Jumpman Pro sneakers he'd gotten for Christmas. Believe me, I would have made him run around the block if it hadn't of been so late. Although I think I'll be adding sit-ups into the mix...

He did finish all of his homework. He did go to bed later than he's supposed to. I did enforce the rules in my house. I did curb tantrums and would-be insulting nonsense coming from out of his mouth. I still wish he wouldn't act so STUPIDLY. He won't ever win.

Mom: 2
Boy: 0

A little word about politics...
Someone told me today that on the TV show, "The View", the ladies were talking about how "Capitalism is unraveling" before our eyes. My friend and I just looked at each other. It's what we and others like us have been saying for MONTHS about the dangers of Obama and want he wants to do. However....I also say, "Better late than never, people!".

Wake up and smell the stink, America!!

boot camp..home style

There are times when I just have to laugh. Times when I have to shake my head when I have gone "back to the basics" and found just how well they work.

My son is nearly 12 years old. He's quite spirited and strong-minded. And, like many kids growing up, testing the waters to see what he can and can't do. He's testing me 24/7 to see just how strongly I will back up what I tell him. And dude - he's finding out the hard way.

Our current biggest "issue" is homework. He doesn't want to do it. Duh. I get that. Tough luck. He likes to "negotiate" - but what that really adds up to his is constant "fast-talking-so-she-will-wear-down" motus operandi. He asks. I tell him no he has to do it. He asks again. I tell him no again. He starts to interrupt and say "wait" and starts to just try to talk loudly and quickly over what I'm saying in the hopes I'll give in just to shut him up. Sound familiar?

I'm tired of it. It is disrespectful for one thing. It's annoying for another. And it just wastes time. His time. My time. It's completely ineffective and the ONLY sure-fire result is that I get ticked off and punish him. He gets ticked off and acts up even more and gets into even more trouble. This has been going on for a few weeks. But yesterday I went "back to the basics".

I made the dummy do push-ups. When he predictably started to "over-talk" me (I'm so sorry I cannot think of a better term), I made him do push-ups. Unfortunately for me, I only had to do this once. I was quite looking forward to doing it over and over. But I was disappointed on that front. The boy got the message and made himself go and do his homework in a timely manner.

I just had to share since it just goes to show you that you CAN diffuse a potentially difficult night with methods from boot camp. That complete structure and physical discipline (that doesn't require spanking or flogging) DOES work. I didn't hurt his spirit and I enforced my will and the rules in my house.

Last night was a success. It won't last. Maybe next time I'll also make him run around the block......

Mom: 1
Boy: 0