Thursday, February 19, 2009

ever wish you were still married...?

This week is one of those times. Why? Do I crave having to share the remote control? Do I honestly want to give up having ALL of the space in the closets and bed? HELL NO. But my boy can just simply drive me nuts. What I wouldn't give right now to have the ability to say, "Wait until your father comes home!". Oh to see the fear in the boy's eyes and then to just walk away. To be able to simply hand over the keys and hide out for awhile. Oh yes.

Single parenting SUCKS. I wonder if I would have ever had a child if I'd known going in that I'd end up raising him alone. I don't think I would have. Kids need a mother and a father. It's a job for 2 (at least!) Of course single parenting can be done. It's done all of the time. But at what price? To the parents? To the kids? Kids should have both parents actively involved if possible (and of course IF both parents are responsible and solid role models).

I'm lucky that I have a very involved family that is there for both of us. Blessed if you will. I don't know what I would do without them. Not only do I get emotional support, but they help out with the "extras" so that my son can do activities that he wouldn't be able to do otherwise. He has been able to form deep emotional bonds with my family that will never go away. So yes, we're lucky. BUT at the end of the day, I'm still a single mom dealing with a very strong-willed boy. A boy who appears to be trying to assert his control over the house and rules. Of course he isn't going to win. I am the parent. I set the rules. I am the adult. I don't date and bring strange men home. I set the example. I know what is best for him. And deep down - I think he knows all of that. But it certainly doesn't stop him for defying me at nearly every turn.

And it's just simply draining the life right out of me. (I think I found 4 new gray hairs just this week alone. *wink*)

For the single parents that take their jobs as seriously as I do - my heart goes out to you. It's a tough and often thankless job, right? And if you have more than one kid, you ought to have a medal. (And please let me know your tricks to staying sane!) I know that lots of folks find themselves in this role after a marriage doesn't work out. It isn't what you planned for - but it's what you have. It's what happened to me. And that situation comes with a huge pile of baggage following you around for years. It totally sucks.

To those that purposefully choose to become single parents? Pffft. I want to smack you reproachfully on the back of your heads (ala Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs on "NCIS"). Quit being so selfish. Quit thinking of yourself, your desire to nest, and what you want. Think of the kids involved. Kids need TWO good parents. Don't choose a difficult set of circumstances for them. Ok? You may make a great mom (or dad), so be sure to pick a great counterpart ahead of time.


Surly Mac said...

Hang in there, Mom - you're an American Hero!

Just Jenn said...

Ahh thanks a bunch :) You are way too kind.